Is It Abuse
If you’re unsure whether your relationship is healthy or if you’re concerned about your partner’s behaviour towards you, answering a few key questions can help provide clarity. Take a moment to reflect on your experiences and get a better understanding of the signs of abuse and coercive control, as well as how to get help.
Your partner says/does things that makes you walk on eggshells or feel afraid
Often
Not all abuse is physical. If you often feel on edge, confused or scared by your partner’s behaviour this may be a sign of controlling and abusive behaviour. Click here to learn more about coercive control.
Sometimes
You deserve to feel safe at all times in your relationship. Control and abuse is a pattern of behaviour that can escalate over time.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and consideration for each other’s feelings.
Your partner calls you names and puts you down
Often
Not all abuse is physical. Calling you names is a form of emotional abuse. Click here to learn more about emotional abuse.
Sometimes
Name calling is not acceptable. Healthy partners build you up, they don’t put you down.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and consideration for each other’s feelings.
Your partner controls money - how much you spend and what you spend it on
Often
Controlling money – giving you a budget without your input, not allowing you to handle / make decisions about or make your own money is financial abuse. Click here to learn more about financial abuse.
Sometimes
Any form of controlling behaviour by your partner is not acceptable.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
Healthy relationships are based on give and take and open discussions about things like money.
Your partner monitors/controls your use of your phone
Often
Controlling your access to or use of your phone/device is a form of coercive control and digital abuse. Click here to learn more about Coercive Control and Digital Abuse.
Sometimes
Any form of controlling behaviour by your partner is not acceptable.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
Healthy relationships are based on respect of each other’s privacy and boundaries.
Your partner tries to stop you seeing your family or friends
Often
If you find you are seeing friends and family less and less, this may be a sign that your partner is isolating you. Isolating you from your support networks is a form of Coercive Control. Click here to learn more about coercive control.
Sometimes
Healthy partners encourage you to spend time with the people outside your relationship that are important to you.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
A relationship where each person maintains the connections outside their relationship that are important to them is a healthy one.
My partner doesn’t hit me but makes threats to hurt me
Often
Threatening to hurt you, your children, family members or pets – even if they don’t lay a finger on you/them – is physical abuse and coercive control. Click here to learn more about physical abuse and coercive control.
Sometimes
Making threats to hurt you is controlling and abusive. This type of behaviour can escalate over time.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
Healthy relationships are based on safety (physical and emotional), care and mutual respect.
My partner demands sex
Often
Your partner is not entitled to have sex with you. Click here to learn more about sexual abuse.
Sometimes
In a healthy relationship, one partner doesn’t demand anything from the other.
Learn more about the different types of abusive behaviours that can happen in relationships here
Never
Healthy relationships are based on mutual care and respect for each other’s boundaries.
If you are concerned about how your partner is treating you call our 24/7 Helpline for support and information, 1800 819 999.
If you feel scared or are in immediate danger call the Gardai 999/112.
